Nov. 09, 2008
As I walked into her room Monday night, I knew I had to be strong for her and was trying to prepare myself before I entered into her room. As soon as I saw her she smiled and was just as bubbly as could be. It would have been easy to forget why we were there by her disposition.
For the first three days she wore the same shirt that had in big letters, UNSHAKABLE Psalms 86:11.She truly was not shaken. She had a peace that came straight from God. Her momma said that on the way to St. Louis she noticed Haley had a tear streak down her cheek. Her mom asked, are you ok sis? She said,” I’m just so glad I’ve got God.”
I can tell you, her daddy was shaken. I just couldn’t hold it together when I was not near her. But my little girl comforted me. Her faith was unshaken. Every time the doctors came in to brief us, the news would just cut me like a knife. But she just had calmness about her. I never noticed before just how beautiful her smile is.
This one Doctor was trying to prepare her for the time when they take her down for surgery. She was explaining that it’s common to get really scared just before surgery and they could give her something to sedate her if she needed it. Haley kind of giggled under her breath. The doctor then repeated what she had just said and looked as if she was really studying Haley’s reaction. And again Haley very quietly kind of giggled. (Of course as her daddy I was thinking, if you don’t stop trying to scare my daughter I’ll……) But judging by the look on the doctor’s face, Haley had just testified to what was on her shirt. UNSHAKABLE (And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus)
Right before they took her back to prep her for surgery, her mom left to go get some last minute visitors who just got to St. Louis, so it was just me and Haley. She had been so strong as they wheeled her down. But I could tell she was starting to get nervous. She was biting her lip. She looked up at me and said,” Dad, I’m a little nervous.” As if to ask was it ok to be. “I know sweetie its ok.” Then she asked, “Dad, are you nervous?” “NOPE not at all everything was going to be just fine,” as I hid the dagger in my heart. (And I told her the truth. I wasn’t nervous. I WAS SCARED TO THE ABSOLUTE INTERFABRIC OF MY BEING!!!!) About that time here came her mom with two of her church friends and her sister Cassie. Cassie just wanted one more hug, (they are really close and this just killed Cassie) But the two girls had dressed up really silly and did a funny skit. It was good enough that the anesthesia doctor came in and asked that they do it again. He had just caught the tail end of it. Haley giggled a lot. Within minutes of the skit my sweet little Haley was asleep. Now it was time for dad to crumble and crawl back to the throne of God. God had sent some wonderful people to hold me up through this time not excluding my wife who I am so blessed to have.
After 6 hours of waiting, Haley’s mother and I got to go back to see her. As I held her hand, she looked into my eyes and said it hurts. She could barely talk. I began to whisper in her ear, she was going to be fine now, the pain would go away. Suddenly I started going down, I can’t tell you how bad this made me feel. I needed to be there for my girl and I was going down. I fought it the whole way. But I couldn’t stop it. I passed out. Deanna said the nurses were quick to my aid and were hollering at me trying to get me back to consciousness. Haley started trying to rise up to see. Her momma tried keeping her relaxed. Later, she asked her mom, “Where is my dad? I know they took him away.” I didn’t think you were supposed to remember anything right after anesthesia. She was concerned for me.
I tell you this testimony of my little 15 year old girl, not to bring glory to her; she wouldn’t want that or accept it. But to display that God is good. Even in the midst of the fire. Our future is still uncertain. But we are turning to God and we are going to trust him with it. One thing that is certain, one day all the suffering in this world will pass. And our sweet savior has paved the way for my family (and all) to reach a place called heaven. Where there is no pain. In the mean time, God has sent us a helper. The Holy Spirit. Not just what lives within us but our brothers and sisters in Christ as well.
Ecclesiastes 4: 9-11
Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up. Again, if two lie together, then they have heat: but how can one be warm alone?
I can tell you that Haley is scared now. The doctor told us in front of her that he hopes it is benign but that the tumor did look more aggressive than that. Please continue to uplift her in prayer. She has been unshakable up until now. Now she needs us to be unshakable. We can look at God’s people in such a time as this, and see a small glimpse that God Is Good! I believe this is what Haley did for these poor doctors who have such a serious job. And thanks to all who do the same for her.
Nov. 13, 2008
Haley has been feeling better, I know because she has been picking on me so much. Of course I would never pick on her
She came home Saturday night. The first two nights were rough because of nausea and throwing up. This could have been serious because the meds she needed to keep down were critical. Praise God that has passed.
So many prayer chains have gone out. She really is comforted in knowing so many people around the country are remembering her in prayer.
We are going to St Louis tomorrow for another MRI and to talk to the Onocologist. I'm sure after tomorrow we will know what we are facing.
Nov. 16, 2008
Wanting you to know we do love God unconditionally. This glows from my Rose like sunshine. Haley took the news of multiple cancer tumors like a true champ. Deanna and I were both trying to breathe in and out carefully. Haley just sat there and never moved. She did have very sad, tired looking eyes. When the doctor left, Haley looked down at her mom and noticed she was crying. MOM, it's ok, I have been preparing myself for this for a long time, and I knew I had cancer. I then very carefully tried to tell her that I was so sorry for not taking care of her headache and pains much sooner. She cut me short. DAD!!! This is not a mistake! This has happened to me for a reason. No Mistake. Then quietly she said, I just don’t know what it is, as a small tear rolled down her cheek her momma held on to her tight. That was the last tear I saw that night.
She got up and grabbed a Dr Suess book. She read this book with great passion. As if there were a group of children around her feet. The doctor caught her reading it and was impressed with her enthusiasm.
The second doctor went over of the same thing, but added that there was fluid build up in her heart caused by one of the tumors close to the heart... You would seriously think someone was tickling her. She just started giggling. Shuuwee I’m a mess momma!!! She took one look at me and started singing," I shall not be moved"
As we drove home I was feeling sick again and getting concerned. Suddenly she started moving to music. And away we went. Singing and praising God. No quit time, she wanted another song as soon as we would finish one. About half way home we changed to Christmas songs, which is her favorite. She did it again; she without hesitation lifted me up.
Please lift up my Rose to God Tuesday 11/18 at 11:00 am. We are looking unto our most capable God to heal my sweet baby girl. God is good, and he is good all the time.
Nov. 25, 2008
Haley has been doing just absolutely amazing. She has been feeling great physically. The neurosurgeon released her for school. AND TOLD HER SHE COULD GO BACK TO DRIVING!!! LOOK OUT!!!
Funny thing is today was her first day back, and we go back to St Louis tomorrow. She will be having a full body P.E.T. scan. Then meet with a lung specialist, and another appointment with the Oncologist. It will be a very long day. We have not heard back about the biopsy taken last week but expect to know more tomorrow.
Nov. 28, 2008
We found out Tuesday that the primary tumor is in the left lung. The cancer is in the bone, and limp node. The lung specialist said that surgery was not an option. We don’t see the Oncologist until Tuesday. She is getting a new adult Oncologist because they just don’t get kids with lung cancer.
How does a 15 year old who never smoked and never lived with anyone who did, get lung cancer. I tried to find answers on the internet. This seems to be extremely rare. One web sight said that only .04% of women with cancer at age 0-31 have lung cancer. She doesn’t have the symptoms of lung cancer. No coughing or shortness of breath.
I was watching videos last night of her dancing when she was little and wished I could have known then. She has always been such a happy child.
It’s so unbelievable how positive she is. She appears to truly be enjoying life. I know she is going to be sick soon. And I promise to never leave her side. I want so bad to take this from her.
Dec. 03, 2008
The doctor told Haley she has non-small cell lung cancer and it is in the 4th stage in which there is no cure.. She took it as before, with a smile. I must tell you I am just sick. And how in the world does a 15 year old hear those words and smile instead of cry? I’m absolutely positive I would have been scared to death if I would have gotten news like that when I was 15. She is trusting in Jesus not the doctors. Not just with her life, but with her precious soul. And praise God for keeping her heart calm.
Our Doctor is going to present Haley’s case to St.Judes in Memphis and a hospital in Huston for clinical trials treatment. If they don’t feel like they could improve her chances to kill the cells than we are going to start chemo Friday.
How do you go back to work? She is going to school tomorrow. How? I just want to steal her away and go see the world with her. And cherish every second God grants us. But it just doesn’t work that way.
Oh God I am weak, but you are strong!!